It takes a lot to finish this blog.

If I was just skinnier…

Things would have been better… And a little bit easier. :(

I don’t know why my friends keep on teasing me about this thing yet I am not the fattest kid I know. It was just so… tiring… exhausting or the like. I believe, I belong to the average sized babes. It would be easier to accept the tease if I am “really” overweight. But I am not, and why do I receive more painful words than the real ones do? Why is that so? 

I used to take it all in, you know, accepting it and going home stuck in that thought by which my friends have been used to greet me. “Ang taba mo,” or “Tumaba ka,” “Ang laki ng [insert something that gets big here when you are chubby] mo” or call me by the names of those famous flabby celebrities… Things like that. And it isn’t too hard for me to absorb these things since I listen to every word that has given me and take it into my heart, especially when they are FROM my FRIENDS. Plus, I don’t know if they really mean it when they call me cute or it was just an implicit code to say I’m a fatty little creature in a way that wouldn’t hurt me much. I don’t care much at first. Yeah. But when it happened almost everyday and you feel like, “Do I gain pounds everyday? ‘Cause I’ve been hearing this from the same people few days ago.” Who wouldn’t have enough with that? It’s been 8 years if i care, including the time when I still have a waistline of 26. imagine?

There are fat women who got the guts to wear shorts, very short shorts, in school. I see them often and they were many. You know what? I adore them for not being bothered about how those little saturated fat bumps show itself on their legs and sway as they walk. But when I saw how it looks like on their body, I definitely wanted to stop wearing such. Who knows if I just got those little saturated fat bumps like theirs? I’m scared I wouldn’t realize that or yes… I am scared to officially know that my legs look like theirs. So might as well it would do me good if I don’t wear such stuff. Crap. I just can’t get over, how could they manage to do that? It was just unbelievable on my part. is it an illness? If it is, can I just have that illness so I may forget or better, I will not know if I look like an exploding huge tuna in a very tight package of banana leaf? :(

In random instances people would remind me in their own creative way that they think I am fat.They never fail to remind me of it from time to time. My room mates even do that, maybe unconsciously. Me and my room mate were just chatting and out of her random thought she asked ”Hmm… What if I was just as fat as you?” and it’s as if it would be hell to be like me. I bet she thinks of it just like thinking of preparations when there is a thunder storm and the like? Another one: I was trying on a cute little dress of a friend of mine who has 30-29-32 (i think) stats. I was just about to wear it when somebody uttered “Aning, you’re fat, admit it.” Then I put the dress down and pretend I’ve heard nothing but in fact i want to hit her [insert evil laugh here] ‘cause she’s just crippled my trip.

I am nothing against being fat. But the people around me makes me hate it. Now I don’t know exactly what this blog wants. Maybe to serve as an outlet for something nobody would even care if they hear it from me; to tell my friends how they make me feel (as if they bother to care); or at the least say to everyone who’ll be reading this the lesson which says “WATCH YOUR WORDS” or maybe even just minimize the word amounts of humiliation that come out of their mouths.

Why am I saying this?

Well I think i just gave you the idea of how to keep special people near you. ‘Cause you know what? I think I now have the phobia of being with these people I’ve been talking about (in a selective manner) and I think it would take a really long long time to heal the wounds. yes it may take a very long time, but I will surely be working on it. Look. I may not be the only person feeling this. Because of you… Or maybe them… or even me… some people may feel bad. It is not only about being fat or ugly. Sometimes you may just have stepped on the border line and you may not realize how make somebody inferior. It is unnoticeable, unless the situation gets to worst. 

Words are the sharpest thing in the world, Louise Hurd said.

They can hurt badly. So, watch yours.

*Yaawwnn* Now this blog has just made me realize something.

As for me… I don’t know what I’ll be doing after this. Aaaah….. But this blog really helped me feel a little bit fine. Maybe I’ll grab cups of ice cream and cookies with some chocolated mallows  after? And oh. Grilled hot dogs. I love ‘em. Haha. Kidding.

I am contented of my body, my flabs (but not so flabs) as they say. It’s okay, I have the curves (oooh-lala). I won’t go on a diet or jog to please anybody (I can, but as to improve my health maybe) because I think I am just fine, and that’s what matters most: the way i think about myself. Basically, there is nothing to worry about me because I am not the type who runs to her bed and cry when she feels bad. I just wound myself. Haha! Kidding aside… Go, worry about your friend whom you think you’ve done the same as written in here and make things up between you.

;-) Ahuh?

NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY